The Killing Games
by TallerThanThou ShorterThanThou
Summary: You see, we're kind of fond of chaos. What better way to cause it than to give the Bleach characters a Death Note? Hey, at least we're creative about it!
1. The Black Notebook of Doom

Remember where we left off last time? When Pei left the Bleach world and gave it a black, glossy, notebook? And we wouldn't tell you what was written on it? Well, now we will.

By the way, there are many psychotic freaks in Bleach, we do not own them (though we could do with more slaves), nor to we claim that they will not use the black glossy notebook to kill random people that you fan girl over. You have been warned.

Anyways, the person closest to where the notebook was dropped picked it up. The person happened to be Gin. Opening his eyes by a slit to read, he held it at a 50 degree angle in front of his face. That, dear readers, takes skill. Still grinning, he searched himself for a pen, just to test it out. After all, it was probably a fraud. Then, all of a sudden, a yell ran out from behind him. Suddenly, Gin remembered that he was still surrounded by the furious Gotei 13. Smiling nervously, he summoned a calligraphy brush from nowhere and wrote in a nearly intelligible handwriting;

_Genryusai-Shigekuni Yamamoto_

Still smiling, Gin counted the seconds. One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, and so on. When he reached forty, he cast an anxious glance at the old man bearing an unfortunate resemblance towards an egg. He didn't die. But how? Maybe he'd counted wrong…no. It couldn't have. Unless…THE DAMN OLD GEEZER WAS ALREADY DEAD! So that made him and all other Shinigami immune. That made the notebook practically useless. Damn, Gin thought. Across from him, the Gotei 13 remained where they were, staring platonically. Gin sighed. He was screwed.

Later…

"I pronounce this meeting in order!" Yamamoto grumbled in a very…guttural low C. (A/N: Geez Pie, that was all you could compare it with?-Demon Pixie) (A/N: Shut the fuck up you fucking faggot! Like I give a fucking shit what you fucking think!-Pie)

The Captains all stood up a little straighter as the black notebook crossed their vision. On it read 'Death Note'. Wow. You people had no idea what was coming. Well, actually, we got a comment saying that he black notebook was obviously Death Note. We think it was from Itachi'sPurpleChakra. _Anyways_…

"Does anyone here know how this works?" the old man asked. All the assembled Cretins…er, Captains stared, befuddled. It appeared that no one in the room had read Death Note. Which we totally do not recommend, it's really good, our fav after Bleach. Seriously, what's not to like? It's bloody, gory, filled with death (ahem, check title of the Manga if you were shocked) and is run by a psychopath that dies anyways in the end. Wait, we're off topic again. We're getting off topic a lot lately…

When the man with an overly long beard tied with a ribbon-a ribbon, dammit-but had no freaking _hair_ noticed that no one knew what the mysterious black notebook was, he sighed. It seemed that there was no choice but to ask Pei to visit.

A loud boom filled the room, along with too much red smoke. Apparently, our dear author's love for dramatics had increased.

"You called?" Pei asked, smirking. (A/N: When am I not smirking?) (A/N: When you eat ice cream. Which is weird, cause you can still smirk while eating anything else-Demon-Pixie) A sigh echoed across the room. Oh great. The demon was back.


	2. Explaining the Rules, L Falls In

"Well, if you write a human's name in the death note, that human dies of a heart attack unless another reason is specified. Once you write the name, you have 40 seconds to write the cause of death, and then 6 minutes 40 seconds to specify more details. However, if you write something impossible like a person in America falling off the Eiffel Tower as his/her cause of death, they will end up dieing of a heart attack. You can control the human's actions one month before their death. Also, you can trade your eyes with the Shinigami's for half your life-span. Since you guys are dead, I'm not sure how that will affect you. By the way, you've now created a rift between the Death Note world and the Bleach world." Pie paused for breath, looking up at the long dialogue. Perhaps that was too long…never mind. She was too lazy to correct it. And then she vanished, leaving the characters of Bleach to ponder over their newfound power.

"What should we do?" Rukia asked Renji. Renji only shrugged, thinking about murdering random humans. Blood, oh, so yummy blood. Wait, we're getting confused about our fictions here…oh yeah, this is The Killing Game, not Red. Sorry! Anyways, the assembled group just stood like that for a long, long time. They stood there so long that they grew roots and became trees which quickly died of dehydration. Just kidding! Umm…maybe four boxes of Pocky for breakfast wasn't a good idea…

Suddenly, a vortex appeared in the sky, and out fell L. He landed on Rukia's head, which then caused her to collide into Renji, who fell into the Strawberry we all wish was real, who then fell into Yamamoto, who then went Bankai in rage, who then accidentally set Aizen free. This was all caused by one panda puppy falling on Rukia's head.

Aizen blinked. The sudden moonlight (because Hueco Mundo was just cool like that, so they didn't need the sun) stunned his delicate eyes. In his hand, he clutched the Hogyoku. Just as he was about to shove it into his chest, it shattered. The tiny little pieces fluttered to the ground like snow. Superman Wannabee (Aizen) looked at his hand. Then he looked at the pretty-ful pieces of glass on the ground.

"!" he screamed. The horrible noise shocked L so much that he went delusional for an hour, and thought Ichigo's head was a strawberry, so he bit into the scalp. A very pissed off Ichigo threw him off, only for him to land on Rukia, who thought he was a pervert. So she grabbed him by the collar and threw him over a cliff that magically appeared. So magical…wait…that's a song. ANYWAYS. Ahem. We are not insane.

By the time that everything had finally settled down, Aizen and the Death Note were nowhere to be seen. So of course, everyone panicked because Aizen was technically a Death God, which meant that killing humans would lengthen his lifespan. Then Rukia asked a very good question.

"Who names their kid Lawliet?"

Of course, L got all offended and spazzed out, refusing to help them solve the case of the mysterious Death Note that went missing. They were doomed. That is, they thought they were doomed until they realized Gin was still there, and he didn't seem to mind helping them murder Aizen. Perhaps it was because his sexuality was no longer a question.

So off the merry troupe of weirdos went, trying to apprehend a serial murder in the making. Does this remind you of anything? No? Okay. Bye.

A/N: We have decided to make this pure crack.

Parody Thingy:

Pie: The rules of pure crack are as follows:

1. Events flow together, but do not make sense

Demon-Pixie: 2. Things happen, but tend to hit you in the ass

3. In space, explosions are louder because there's no air to get in the way

Pie: 4. People drop dead for no reason

5. All characters still retain their personalities, but random stuff happen that set them off

7. You didn't notice me skip six

Demon-Pixie: 6. You didn't notice me revert back to 6

Pie: Actually I did

Demon-Pixie: Whatever


End file.
